Happy Parenting

Hi everybody

I attended a two day discourse taken up by CHINAMAYA MISSION here at IIT Roorkee. I want to share a few points which I learned and which could be of help to all of us.

DAY 1

The topic was “HAPPY PARENTING”

Few points discussed were:-

What is the job of a parent? Why do children these days feel bored so often? What should be given to a child and at what stage?

Well then I’ll make an attempt to explain the first question…

The job of a parent is similar to that of a potter. A potter uses both his hands to make a pot. The inner hand is expands the pot or makes it big, while the outer hand controls its shape and size. Similarly parents should raise their child with an inner hand of love and an outer hand of discipline. The inner hand widens the vision of the child while the outer prevents him from getting out of control and fall prey to perversions.

Furthermore, the job of a parent also resembles that of a gardener. The gardener does not grow plants. This is because growth is something natural. It occurs on its own, but his job is to facilitate the growth. Similarly, parents should create an atmosphere conducive for the all round growth and development of the child. He should have all joys of life. He should never feel bored.

Few examples

1) It’s very common that a child does not like a particular vegetable prepared for him. The common reactions of today’s parents….”no problem leave it”, “I’ll eat it, you don’t bother”, etc..

In this way we develop (even though unconsciously and unintentionally) a feeling in the child that he could throw away whatever he dislikes. Suppose some day he starts disliking his mom or dad then……………………..?

So it is we, the parents, who are responsible for any such kind of behavior of the child in the future. Therefore force him to eat whatever is prepared. This will teach him the lesson of accepting, with an open heart and mind, those aspects of life which are not to his liking.

2) Sometimes a child may want to play in mud, get dirty, or climb a tree. He may also feel like jumping from the stairs. There can be so many other such examples where the parents, fearing his safety, do not allow him to do the same. But in doing so, they not only hamper his physical growth, which is achieved only by struggling, falling and getting hurt, but they also prevent him from taking such simple joys of life which give immense pleasure and that too at no cost. An over protective behavior from the parents hinders growth and develops a fear of facing life in the child.

Now I would explain the answer for second question…

Our brain requires engagement with something or the other, and when we don’t get that we feel bored. Here an important and obvious question that must be coming to your mind is-- why it is that we feel bored so easily while our parents and grandparents never experienced this special 21st century concept? This could be understood by correlating the work of the brain with the vibration of some hypothetical material inside it. The more the material vibrates, more will be the work done by the brain and the more rapidly the person feels exhausted. Now if the pace at which the child entertains himself is greater than the pace of the nature, firstly he will get exhausted quickly and secondly the slower pace of nature will not be able to soothe his mind which has gotten used to the faster pace of the sense object he was engaged in. So neither can he continue with his entertainment for long, nor can his mind stay calm without it.

For example

These days children watch cartoon networks to entertain themselves. The activities in cartoon shows are much faster than reality. But the child starts enjoying with that pace which is much higher than the pace of the nature. Thus the hypothetical material inside his brain starts vibrating very rapidly which tires his mind. So he is not able to get the level of entertainment he wants and thus feels bored. In the olden days, people used to play games which were natural. Thus the pace of entertainment level was in accordance with the nature’s pace and hence they never felt bored.

Now the most important part of parenting that is “what should be given to a child and when?”

The whole life of a child can be categorized into three stages:

1) “LAALYET” which means to LOVE (till 2.5 yrs)

Since birth to 2 and half years of age the child should only be loved, pampered, indulged. The parents should love the child immensely no other language should be used other than that of love. Their job is just to love him as much as possible, to feel his soft skin, to play with his fists and to take all the pleasures and joys in holding him in their lap. This is the stage of love and affection. Show your love and all your emotions. Love him to the fullest.

2) “TAADYET” which means DISCIPLINE (2.5 - 17 yrs)

In this part of his life the child should be disciplined and should be made to behave properly. This is the time when outer hand plays its role. This is helpful in protecting the child from perversions and wrongdoings. But at the same time the inner hand of love has to be well efficient as well. This is because it would help the child blossom and would widen his horizon. This is the stage when a child has to be controlled and properly directed. Teach him, as much as possible, all the lessons of life.

3) “MITRAVAT AACHARET” which means friend (17-25 yrs)

After fulfilling the responsibilities in Taadyet, now it’s the time to act as a friend to your child. Share his problems and make him feel that he is cared and loved. In this part of life, some sort of a distance between you and your child is natural. But you needn’t worry if you have done your job in Tadyate properly. The child will come back to you because of the teachings you gave him during 2.5 – 17 yrs of his age.

After 25yrs of hard work by the parents, the child is mature enough to take his own decisions, to marry and to face the challenges of life. Now the role of parents is over and the role of grandparents begins…which I still need to learn.