My India in my Heart Vs. the World in my Brain

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It has been 7 years since I have been living in United States. I love this country, for what it has achieved. I love the quality of life that every resident can enjoy here.It makes me proud to be a part of its workforce, so creative and so smart. My day is full of constructive efforts being made to make beautiful things for my own as well as for the lives of those around me. It definitely feels fulfilling to end everyday with the peace of consciousness that something fruitful was done today. It is truly a land of my work, if I call it in Hindi, my "karama-bhumi".

But then, when I am in my bed, in deep silence, floating around in my thoughts, letting my brain notice my heart...I find an emptiness, there surely is a hole in there....a spot that is vacant, where is my home? Have I indeed returned home after my day of work? Or am I just on a long work tour, yet to get back home after I am done. But when? I don't know...... What am I truly seeking to achieve? Can't say!!

I definitely miss my India, for its people, my family, my culture, the feeling of being at home!! I miss it!! And I am afraid, that I might miss noticing this missing feeling, and I don't want that to happen. I have a life that feels so fulfilling in the light of the day and in the noise of the people around me during my day, that I might forget to notice if I do not pay attention to this thought and feeling that only arises when I am alone.....where is my home!!

My son who is just 4 yr old right now, gets puzzled by even the mention of the fact that we might return and start living in India. Which makes my brain think about all the trades of life, to evaluate what his future might be losing if we returned home?? Really?? Could it be that bad?? Or is it just that we know our country just too well to ignore its negatives. But isn't it being ignorant if I believe that any country could have all positives and no negatives? I am yet to resolve that mystery and get these answers..

But today, on the eve of India's 68th Independence day,  why does it feel like I want to celebrate..that it is a festival...even though it is going to be a working day for me in United States, I feel like a part of celebration back home, in my country, in my India. Although I did celebrate the 4th of July weekend watching fireworks and having a picnic with my friends, just like any other fun holiday!!


Location: United States

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